Sweet Weeboo Heresy
by MyDigitalHazard
Summary: Gareth secures a temporary alliance with the Tau. Post Ryders Rangers.


Today was a good day.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing their morning song and the air was filled with the scent of burning heretics. I looked out over the 687th Cadian regiments forward operating base with pride from my position high on top of the _Retribution_, my personal Baneblade. It was built in what used to be a suburb, and I was surrounded on all sides by heavily fortified, but quaint family homes.

My attention was deviated from the column of Leman Russ' I had been admiring by a shout to my left. _Ah, _I thought_, sounds like Garreth is back from his patrol._ I turn to look and spotted them walking into the camp, their olive armor contrasting with the grey pavement. A quick headcount and my brow wrinkled in confusion. _ No casualties? Vox channels said they had been ambushed by Tyranids._ A small smirk quickly spread across my face, _must have been one hell of a fight, Garreth is probably due for a promotion._

My smile grew as I watched the lieutenant approach my position. Once he was within earshot, I called out, "You look like hammered shit!" if his dented, dirty armor and tired visage was anything to go by.

He let out a boisterous laugh, "You don't look any better yourself" he replied enthusiastically, addressing my equally battle-scarred armor and dirty visage. Most of the damage had been done when trying to oust the Eldar from this position earlier today, but I had neither the time nor the patience needed to clean and fix my armor to Mechanicus regulations. Plus Xavier didn't really care, seeing as how he was too busy exploring the inside of some derelict Warlord Titan we had discovered on the coastline yesterday.

I chuckled before getting back to the matter at hand "Report to my office in 0530 hours for debriefing", 30 minutes, plenty of time to get up here. He snapped a crisp salute and mad his way to the back of the Baneblade. I got comfortable with the sight of the setting sun before pushing off the handrail that circled the massive tanks turret a made my way briskly towards the entrance hatch.

The inside of the pseudo god-machine was a winding labyrinth of hallways and ladders that I was well familiar with. Soon I made my way into the back area of the tank that I had reserved for my quarters and command center. I turned left once more and was confronted with an adamantine bulkhead door. I quickly put in my password and entered. My room was nothing fancy. A cot that had the firmness somewhere between solid ceramite and wraithbone, a miniature refrigerator and a massive oak desk.

Other things shrews around the room were chairs, pictures of family and a couple of personal war trophies. I still smile every time I look at that Power Klaw I looted off warboss Curbstompa'! with Twilight and her friends.

_Twilight, _I thought grimly, as I looked at the only photo I had of my marefriend. _Don't worry girl, once this is over and done with, I'm filing to be re-stationed back on Avol._

A knock on my door broke me out of my thoughts. I quickly slid behind the desk and sat down in a less then comfortable chair.

"Who is it?" I asked gruffly.

"Lieutenant Garreth Chang reporting as ordered" Came my reply, "permission to enter, Sir?"

I checked the clock on the corner of the desk. _Right on time, good_ "Permission Granted"

The bulkhead door swung open and in walked the lieutenant, clad in carapace armor, shotgun in hand and chainsword and bolt pistol at his belt. He clicked his boots together and saluted.

"Cut the crap" I deadpanned. He laughed a little and lowered his hand before talking a seat.

"Right, now before we start…" I reached over to the mini fridge and opened it, pulling out two cans of Kreig 'Henker' beer, I tossed one at my subordinate which he deftly caught. We both cracked open our cold ones and took a long, drawn out drink. I put the can down with a refreshed sigh before turning to the man across from me.

"I'm not going to lie" I said, deciding not to beat around the bush, "I just want to know how the hell you survived getting ambushed by those Nid's"

"Well sir, the thing is" He began "I, as well as the rest of the squad would be dead right now if It hadn't been for a little… outside help"

I raised my eyebrow skeptically, "Define… Outside help"

"It was the Tau sir" He replied almost instantly, "We were pinned down my a bunch of gaunts and a Warrior with flesh bores, when all of a sudden they start dropping like flies around your cooking"

I ignored the jab, mostly, my gaze could be translated to a simple 'Watch it'. Knowing that his disarming smile had failed him, he quickly continued, "next thing I know a bunch of Battle Suits land behind us and start blasting away at the nids. When it was finally over, they offered to fix up our wounded and take me to meet their Commanding Officer. Weird right? Seriously. Anyway, when we get to their base camp, I get invited into this big arse drop fortress, while they start to patch up the boys. Nothing to serious, except for Leroy, he got his entire arm ripped off my one of those bastards.

So, when I meet their CO, this Commander Hawkeye, she starts asking me about some rumors that the Imperium has taken on a servant race. I guess she was talking about the ponies, so I was like, yeah, then she asks me if we were open to negotiations now. I wasn't sure, so I went no to the imperium as a whole, but yes to our little rag tag army here. After that we started talking, mostly negotiating and swapping stories, but well… at the end of the day, Sir, I have secured a temporary Alliance with the Tau Empire"

I had remained silent during his entire speech, but that little hesitation near the end didn't escape my attention. I decided to keep that for after, "So, what are the terms of this 'Alliance'"

"Basicly, until this planet is purged of Orks, Nids, Chaos and Necrons, we don't shoot at them and they won't shoot at us"

I nodded slowly, "Seems fair enough, plus it's not like something like this hasn't been done before by the Astartes or Inquisition" _Now onto what really matters_

"And how exactly did you manage to convince the Tau to have a none annexing Alliance with the Imperial Guard?"

I smirked as he went rigid and started to sweat. "Uh, well… I uh, um…. "

I sighed, "Come on, spit it out, It can't be that bad"

He froze and looked at me, blue nervousness met Emerald conviction. With a hefty sigh, he slumped against his chair and started to chuckle. "Promise you won't 'BLAM' me?"

I raised an eyebrow and smirked, deciding to humor him, "I promise"

"Pinky Promise?"

I chuckled "I pinky promise not to 'Blam' you for heresy" I replied before going into the motions. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.

He nodded, seemingly satisfied I wouldn't 'Ash' him the second he said his piece. What I didn't expect was for him down the rest of his Henker and get into parade stance.

"I SLEPT WITH THEIR COMMANDER SIR!"

_Well, that was and wasn't unexpected_ I thought to myself as he sat down again, waiting for my reaction. Why the hell should I care? I slept with Xenos, I'm in a relationship with one right now. He knows that, hell, most of the Imperium knows. I grinned as I thought of a way to reply. "Well, that was enlightening"

About a minute went by in silence, I hated the silence. So I decided to break it with a question that all men ask each other in these situations.

"Was she any good?"

His gaze seemed to glaze over, "Big blue butt? Oh yeah…"

I laughed, harder than I have during this whole campaign, and drew my arm back. "High Five?"

"Fuck Yeah!"

*Slap*


End file.
